Why Black Women Need to Come Home to Themselves–Now More Than Ever

The Cost of Survival: Black Women’s Disconnection from their Bodies

We are roughly 45 days into this presidency and people are reeling from the flurry of executive orders seeking to roll back established initiatives and policies that support the most marginalized. Understandably, people feel under attack and anxious about what the next move from the administration will be, as this four-year presidential term stretches out like an eternity ahead of us. 

All of this is occurring in the “post-COVID” era, with the remnants of this collective trauma still alive within our bodies and nervous systems. 

Needless to say, many folks are struggling with the fact that the world as we’ve known it is no longer. People feel trapped and it seems like the only way to escape is to disconnect, in all sorts of ways, but fundamentally from our bodies

But for Black women in America, the culture of living outside of their bodies as a measure of safety is nothing new.

As a Somatic EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing) therapist in NYC, my clients span the entire African diaspora and are descendants of enslaved Africans brought to the US and Caribbean as well as children of immigrants whose lineages were oppressed through colonization. 

For many of them this intergenerational trauma is embedded in their genetic structure, and is expressed as overworking, a high intellectual capacity and hypersuccess in their respective industries. This success overshadows the disconnection from their emotions, confusion about what their true desires are and a distant relationship with their bodies. These are the survival strategies developed in response to the conditions of living in the United States.

In this post, I’m reflecting on how Black women can not only survive, but also thrive in these uncertain times.

The 92%: Overfunctioning while Underappreciated

The reality is that Black women are weary. Not just from the 2024 election, where 92% of them showed up to do their part to protect our rights, but more so from the cumulative effects of overfunctioning while other people and systems continue to underfunction–and being undervalued and unappreciated for it. 

It’s no wonder that some are saying they are “gonna sit this one out.” Sitting this one out speaks to me of deep disappointment and anger felt by Black women. To show up, overextend, fight for justice and be forced to do the work while others sit out or actively work against your interests, is not Black women’s idea of a good time. And their anger is a justified and righteous response to being mistreated and taken for granted for too long. 

Your Anger Is Speaking–Are You Listening?

Many think pieces have been written about the problem of Black women’s anger, but I am proudly biased towards welcoming, affirming and supporting this anger when it shows up in the therapy space. A powerful question my former therapist asked me, which I now ask all my clients is: “what do you feel your anger is needing or asking for?” This question taught me how to honor the information my anger was trying to communicate, rather than dismissing it as silly or irrational.

And now, I’ve asked this question enough to know that Black women’s anger is saying “I feel exhausted, unseen, misunderstood and unappreciated and I need to preserve my energy.” 

Anger is often a good indication that our boundaries have been crossed and need to be reestablished. This problem is that when we live disconnected from our bodies, we don’t know what our yeses are, let alone what is a no until our boundaries are crossed. Boundaries are about what you control and not about controlling the actions of others, and right now it is prime time for Black women to assert the boundary of shifting out of the pattern of overfunctioning, taking back their power and bringing their energy back to themselves.

Rest as Resistance: A Path to Reclaiming Your Energy

A recurring question in my work with Black women is: What happens when we bring our attention to ourselves? What do we learn? What opportunities or possibilities emerge? These questions get to unfold when we slow down enough to pay attention to what our bodies are saying and rest supports our ability to do this.

One person who is doing invaluable work in this area is Tricia Hersey, the founder of  The Nap Ministry. The Nap Ministry is founded on the framework that declares Rest is Resistance. Hersey declares that rest is both a form of resistance against capitalism and reparations as the descendant of enslaved Africans. Despite the power of her message and how it has resonated with people worldwide, it is still challenging for many to embody. 

Is it any wonder why? The grind of capitalism is utterly relentless. And for Black women this is even more pronounced. 

For many women like my clients, work and overwork as a strategy for survival is embedded in their genes. And when these genes come into expression because of systemic oppression, it becomes necessary to reconnect with the wisdom of our bodies to shift these patterns. 

Intergenerational trauma is something we must heal through our bodies and not just our minds. When trauma is passed through our lineage, we have patterned responses of how we’re used to functioning i.e. fight, flight, freeze. We can’t talk our way out of our body’s nervous system survival responses. Healing these patterns requires slowing down and engaging with rest to create enough safety in our bodies in order to be able to release the trauma and stress stored within.

Embodying Self-Care: Somatic Therapy for Black Women

I believe that this moment presents an opportunity for Black women to reclaim their energy by honoring their frustration and disappointment and taking time to restore. And somatic therapy is the perfect avenue to do that.

Somatic therapy is about helping people reconnect with their bodies to experience the fullness of life available to them—the joys and sorrows. This is embodiment. Embodiment allows us to make decisions from an empowered place, drawing from the wisdom and clarity of both our bodies and our minds. And for Black women, this is a journey of re-embodiment, learning to come back home to themselves and feel safe and comfortable in their bodies.

Trauma, like Black women have been exposed to in this nation, disables our ability to be fully in our bodies. This is why many Black women are disconnected from their emotions, lack clarity about what their true desires are despite being among the top highest achievers in their communities and industries. For these women, even asking themselves what they want and listening to their body for a response can feel almost impossible at first. Many have been conditioned to prioritize others' needs to the point that putting themselves first feels so selfish that considering themselves becomes an afterthought.

Somatic therapy supports Black women in transforming these patterns by creating a sense of home within.

Reconnecting to Your Inner Wisdom: Who Benefits from Your Disconnection?

The question I like to raise to clients in different forms is: Who gets to benefit from this disconnection from self and desires? Is it capitalism and the edict to have a never ending pursuit towards success? Is it the boss at work who knows that they can come to you because you’ll get it done, even if it feels like you’re spinning plates and juggling balls at the same time? This question is an invitation to come back inside themselves, a chance to connect with inner wisdom.

The generosity of Black women has taught me that when Black women are well, our communities benefit. When we honor ourselves, we naturally care for the welfare of others and society at large. It’s my joy to collaborate with Black women on their healing journey through Somatic EMDR therapy. 

Are You Ready to Reclaim Your Energy?

If you're part of the 92% who have shown up time and time again, feel free to reach out to learn more about how Somatic EMDR therapy can help you reclaim your energy and put it to good use so YOU can thrive in this season.